How to Remove Boundaries | Pathing New Ways to Ask for Help

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Check Yourself...

Asking for help sounds easy enough, but if you’ve ever needed a helping hand, you know how difficult this can be. Before asking for help, please consider yourself & the helper.  If the potential helper has a history of using guilt & obligation to manipulate you, remove the drama & seek out a different person! 
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Seeking help can turn the most self-assured, direct person into a “worry-hog”. We may feel uncomfortable and as a burden to others, or experiencing a sense of stagnation from past mistakes in our relationships. Certainly, these aspects are what has transpired inside of our head. One would believe to think to ask for assistance in order to “by-pass” such misery, but following through with confidence when help is needed is tough for almost everyone. Asking for help may be difficult, but so are most things worth doing.  
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Here we can discover the 3 common reasons why most individuals choose to remain silent on the approach to asking for help, or how to combat such falsehoods which are attached to asking. With this information, both the helper & receiver may gain an additional appreciation for life each day. One can simply practice the method of “wearing someone else’s shoes for a day”, and consider others as an extension of themselves. We can learn how to gain confidence by facilitating resources for when a need or aide transpires. ​

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1)Fear of Being a Burden
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​First of all, asking of others could lead to burden if you’re out of practice of doing so. You could be fearful that asking for help will take something away from the helper, or assume they will see the task as a heavy load. As one should know that most individuals that are secure, love helping others.  

​According to Dr. Hendriksen, Ph.D., “the most primitive part of the brain- the same reward pathway activated by food and sex-lights up in response to altruistic giving.” Not only does helping bring strength to social ties, but it also allows the helpers to feel good about themselves. If this is not the case for you, & the helper is actually over-burdened or are too busy, graciously trust him/her to communicate as so & find someone else to assist you with your need.

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2) Past Mistakes

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Depending on one’s level of consciousness, their reverence of duties is seasonal. In this regard, a person has lessons that will be either unknowingly bypassed or have substantially completed, like a great cycle or continuance.  A person’s circumstance is led by personal choice, & the other is brought upon based on outside influences. Every path is an opportunity to educate ourselves on. These are opportunities to internally grow & improve during each turn of the wheel. Healing is essential in order to release from the bondage of past mistakes so that we may receive help from those around us.  ​

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​The fear of admitting to our past mistakes is particularly common when more than enough of turmoil adhere to cause friction. An influx in social status, economic plans, or issues within personal relationships can feel like you're failing or incapable of addressing daily conjunctures. Sometimes when we try to control every situation that rapidly emits, it turns out not to be the better approach for us. 

In this way, we can ensure a sense of balance before asking someone to assist with our need. Past mistakes will seem like “water underneath the bridge”, allowing a fluidly, positive flow of success in our life by rebuilding a peaceful bond between new & old friends. Do not avoid past mistakes.  Actively forgive yourself.  
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3)Fear of "Appearing Weak"​

Also known as a “needy appearance”-incompetent, stupid, or broken. Regardless, the worry of appearance is just another apparent “roadblock” when it comes to asking for help.  Remind yourself that the ability to have someone to ask for assistance means that you are being supported & connected.  Reframe from the mindset of whichever fearful appearance that our thoughts could relay, & utilize the best options that are near to us.  

In order to alleviate the fear of appearing weak, for example, match the request with someone considered an expert. Say if you were having car troubles, you’d more than likely seek a professional mechanic for their feedback, or if financial woes occur, you’d be apt to speak with an individual who specializes in finances, & so on.

​The key word here is an expert, one that is reliable and willing to provide specific information. Furthermore, try asking for help as if you’re inquiring about expert instructions. For instance, one may ask a helper, “Can I pick your brain for a minute”, “Can I get your perspective on something”, or “It’s been a long time since I’ve done this.”  You should also be present in defining what is needed in order to counter the fear of appearing weak. 

• “Illnesses from Long-Term Trauma | the Holistic Health View"
•  "How to Overcome Traumatic Memories | Part I | It Does Not Have to be a Dis-Ease"

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​Defining & asking for what you want is necessary before the requirement of others can step in. So, if it’s the fear of being a burden, unresolved issues, or the worry of appearing weak- practice being acutely specific in regards to your need(s). This sounds easy, but for many people, it’s not.  We may know what we want at this very minute, but have no clue of the bigger picture. Sometimes we focus on the surface of the ocean, not realizing what’s above or beneath it. This can cause unsettled waves of destructive around us.

An approach to dismantling the fear of asking for help is ideal as you may know by this point. Make a list of what it is that you are seeking, noting specific qualities, ideas & more. The act of writing lists prompts us to tune in to what it is that we need, enforcing our true intent.  Take time, and be honest in every situation, including everything that is most important first. We can direct our mind this way to consciously create the circumstances we desire.  


​Awareness by Light... 

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About the Author:
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Shaw Nee Janelle is a Certified Holistic Health Practitioner,Health & Wellness Consultant, Author of  “The Traditional Modalities for Healing”, Blogger & Owner of.realitynconsciousness.com. In her blogs, she enjoys writing inspirational tips on Holistic Health, Affirmations, Self-Care, Afrikan Spirituality, Sexual Abuse Awareness and more. She also loves travel, fitness, reading, and creating new vegan recipes.
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Source: 
     The Everything Spells and Charms, Alexander Skye
     How to Ask for Help, Hendriksen Ellen PhD 

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